5 Emotional Levers That Quietly Drive Your Success

Transform How You Lead, Sell, and Connect, From the Inside Out

There’s this moment I keep returning to. It was a regular morning at the office, many years ago.

My team and I were pushing through a tough project. All the KPIs were scarlet red and everyone was on edge but focused.

Delays, cost overruns, and a messy scope had turned the contract into an open bar for client demands. Everybody was on edge but focused.

All of a sudden, our project director called an impromptu meeting in his office. We slowly gathered around his desk.

With a stern look on his face, he said, “It’s too hard, we’re never gonna make it.” We looked at each other, perplexed.

We waited for the pep talk, the inspiring bit. It never came.

After some sighing, some yelling, and some ranting, he repeated: “I’m telling you. We are never going to make it”.

He didn’t have a plan, or a decision. Not even an announcement. The project wasn’t canceled. He wasn’t stepping down.

We were still expected to carry on.

It was, essentially, a demotivation meeting.

As a result, a dozen of us walked out feeling deflated.

I was fresh out of college and inexperienced. But this I knew with certainty:

This was not leadership.

That day, I learned a valuable lesson by counterexample:

Emotional intelligence isn’t optional. It’s not a nice-to-have.

It’s the difference between turning a project around, or running it into the ground.

Impact vs. crisis.

Emotional Intelligence: The Golden Lever

The term “Emotional Intelligence” was popularized in 1995 by Daniel Goleman in his groundbreaking book “Emotional Intelligence, Why It Can Matter More Than IQ.”

It’s a set of skills that allows us to recognize emotions, manage our reactions and connect with others.

Research has found that high achievers and top-performing leaders score higher in emotional intelligence. They also tend to make better decisions and earn more, on average.

So, whatever your goal, boosting sales, changing mindsets, or planting trees—real impact starts with emotional intelligence.

Because the true levers of influence are, first and foremost, emotional.

Just like anything else, some of us are naturally well-equipped in this area thanks to genetics and upbringing. Others, not so much.

But here’s the good news:

This skill set isn’t fixed. Just like a muscle, it can be trained.

Training The Emotional Muscle

Over the past ten years, I’ve taken on project management and sales roles that rely heavily on an ability to collaborate, persuade, and connect with others.

Along the way, I gathered a set of tools that I often return to and that consistently helped me achieve the impact I was aiming for.

Every single one of them is related to Emotional Intelligence. But before I share my favorite, there’s one point I’d like to emphasize:

None of these tools matter if they don’t come from a place of genuine care. Humans evolved to be remarkably good at spotting signs of deceit.

And when someone fakes interest just to spark connection for personal gain, that’s not leadership. It’s manipulation.

So if you want to grow your influence with integrity, here are five emotional intelligence practices to elevate how you lead, sell, create, and collaborate.

1 - Say People’s Names:

In his classic book “How to Win Friends and Influence People”, Dale Carnegie says that “a person's name is to that person, the sweetest, most important sound in any language.”

So many of us already do this unconsciously. I always greet people by making eye contact and saying their name if I know it, even if I’m not close to that person.

Even if it’s a little bit awkward that I remember it. Saying someone’s name might seem trivial. Believe me, it’s not.

What it actually conveys to the other person is: “I see you”, “I acknowledge you”, “You matter.”

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2 - Emotional Empathy:

We empathize when we step out of our emotional experience to meet someone in theirs.

And when we do, something powerful happens.

Our brains (literally) sync up, aligning their activity patterns, which leads to a deeper connection at an almost instinctive level.

Showing someone that we understand their feelings is incredibly validating.

And because humans are wired to give back, it leads that person to open up more, listen more closely, and problem-solve together.

All awesome ingredients for collaborative work and positive impact.

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3 - Cognitive Empathy:

Cognitive empathy is the ability to understand another person’s reality.

It’s our capacity to tune into their perspective and see where they’re coming from.

This allows us to select the right structures, vocabulary, and analogies, to ensure our message lands with them and drives collaboration.

It can be as simple as avoiding industry jargon when we know someone comes from a different background. Or taking the time to truly understand their point of view, before jumping in with counterarguments.

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4 - To Be Interesting, Be Interested:

When we think of magnetic people, we imagine their charisma, eloquence, and sense of humor.

All these play a big role, but that’s not all there is to it. They also look you in the eyes, ask you questions, mirror your facial expressions.

They make you feel seen.

Think of Oprah and her legendary ability to connect with her interviewees. “What did that moment feel like for you?”, she’d ask with a look of genuine concern.

She listens deeply, fully present. Her body language says “I’m here with you in this moment.”

With our constantly buzzing phones, and shortening attention spans, we seldom gift others our full attention.

But without it, you may miss what clients really need.

Leaders fail to build trust. Creators lose touch with what deeply resonates.

There are a few simple things you can start doing to become a much better listener today:

Put your phone away. Make eye-contact. Take notes.

Don’t interrupt with your own story. Nod, smile when they smile.

Ask follow-up questions. To be interesting, be interested.

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5 - Empathic Concern:

I’ve left this for last on purpose as I believe it’s the most impactful of the five.

Empathic concern simply means truly caring about others.

Our ability to approach our relationships with the proper amount of authentic care is a powerhouse for building rapport and trust.

The leader who thoughtfully considers her team’s well-being.

The entrepreneur who crafts the perfect customer experience.

The coworker who notices your dark circles and suggests a coffee chat.

This is what makes the difference between a team that’s all-in, or quiet quitting.

Clients that rave about you, come back and bring their friends, or leave tasteless 3-star reviews.

Caring about others is an impact amplifier that should never be ignored.

The Ripple Effect

What I love about these practices is that, although the initial motivation might be to become more successful in the professional sphere, they have ripple effects that can fundamentally transform other areas of our lives too.

Humans are social beings, and the quality of our relationships is a strong predictor of our overall life satisfaction.

Saying people’s names, tuning into emotions, seeing different perspectives, listening deeply, and showing genuine concern: these are simple levers you can pull anytime, anywhere.

Practice them authentically, and you’ll be unstoppable.